I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
this just has baby written all over it
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
