I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
