were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
