Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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