babies were throwing up all over the place
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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