Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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