Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
