new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
