She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
