She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
