i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
