Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Randomize
