we're blogging at a bar
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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