I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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