Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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