Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Randomize