I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
