The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
