Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
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