Got a toothbrush?
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
