I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
