so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Randomize
