I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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