i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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