Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
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