I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
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