i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
