I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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