dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
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