There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
