it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
