omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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