I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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