mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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