there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I just gift wrapped bread.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
