i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
