So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Panties = found
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
