No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
this must be what syphilis tastes like
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
