Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
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