connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
