apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
