Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
