Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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