he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
