I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Randomize
