I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
