How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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