go do what you do best...puke behind churches
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
