I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
