I wish my penis had an off switch
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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