So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
