i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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