your thong is hanging out like whoa
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
