the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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