It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
