I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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