I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
