What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
