oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
