i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Randomize
