dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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