you guys were way drunker than both of me
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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