Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
