I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
