Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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