p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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