I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
