so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Be still, my beating vagina.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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