At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
that's an acceptable place to lick
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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