I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize