what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
