I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
