in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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