I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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