why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
This is the high leading the old right now
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
