me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Randomize
