the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
