lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
