Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
