Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
