dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
