i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Im part way to drunk.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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