Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize