too bad you live with your parents still
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
