Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
