I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
