So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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