And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
