I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
we're so committed to being not committed
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize