I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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