I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Randomize
