I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Randomize
