There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
