I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
