we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
