Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Four minutes until I can fart!
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
You left your phone here
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