I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Randomize
