he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize