I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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