OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
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