nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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