his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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