dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize
