Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
