Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize