I saw his package. It spoke to me.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
