Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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