im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
