yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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