i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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